You are currently browsing the archives for the Uncategorised category.
21/10/2008 by Uncle.
Regular readers will recall, that sometime ago, my bank and subsequently my internet and telephone provider decided I was dead. Now then, whilst I acknowledge that there are a lot of people who would be happy to see me shoving up daisies, I am in fact very much alive and kicking all be it a little creakily.
I have come back from the dead about three time in the last 12 months and each time after after a bit of fucking about, loads of telephone calls - mostly to Indian call centres and the ensuing usual stupid questions the problem eventualy gets sorted out.
Now to be fair I can almost see why this happens. I have dropped off the grid for extended periods and then popped up sometime later somewhere totally unexpected, before returning home like a wayward dog.
It has all been a little irksome if not mildly amusing. The being dead not the coming home that is.
However the other day I received in the post a form W9.
What is a W9 I hear you ask? Sorry that should really be W-9, lets get it right.
The W-9 is actually a US tax form and my question is why have they sent one to me, a Brit who spent most of the last year - through no fault of my own - dead?
Its bad enough been considered dead, but to be considered American, well that’s going to far.
I have done some research and there could be answer.
In the days gone by pikeys were pikeys, not ” misunderstood travelling folks who are really honest guvnor with hearts of gold” and chaps like me were referred to as mercenaries or dogs of war. Not any more, oh no. Now in the era of “management speak” and “lets give it a fancy titleism” we are often referred to as “Independent contractors” or “Security Contractors” and “Freelancers” and so on.
TheW-9 does come with an explanatory letter and there is information on t’good old t’internet. Here is a taster
“A W-9 is used to gather information about the independent contractor.”
That might explain why I have beens ent one, but only might as I have not worked in the US or for any US companies. It goes on to explain
“The formForm W-9 may be developed if it is substantially similar to the actual Form W-9. Check the IRS’s instructions for the Form W-9 for more details on this.”
WTF does that mean? This is the instruction for the Form W-9. It gets better.
“The client or company will use the information collected on the W-9, or substitute W-9, to produce a Form 1099 which details the earnings that the independent contractor received from that client that tax year. The Form 1099 is sent to both the independent contractor and the IRS; some states may also require a separate mailing of the 1099 as well.”
Well thats clear enough except I dont have a 1099 and dont feel too inclined to ask for one. There is then some guff about the form W-4 and the 1040 E-S before it goes on to say
“The W-9 is only required of independent contractors who are US citizens, US resident aliens, and some other less common categories (e.g., a domestic estate). Non-US independent contractors may be required to fill out a Form W-8 (like the Form W-8BEN) instead of a W-9. This is not always the case. Investors, or freelancers, living in other countries may simply file the W-9, which will provide the employers or financial institution with a way to keep record of their information.
The W-9 also requires a signature, though unlike the W-4, the signature does not have to be witnessed by an employer or client. In most cases, freelancers merely send in a W-9, which can be a copy of the original.”
Right oh, squire, right oh, know what you mean, know what you mean, nudge is as good as a wink to a blind horse.
I am told that in reality this is a last ditch attempt by the dying Bush administration to track down naughty US scallywags who may have bank accounts outside the US and who would be funding terror or more likely avoiding paying tax to the IRS. I also suspect it is a way those crafty spooks at Langley will get unwitting “Private Contractors” to volunteer their details to the CIA database.
However my favourite bit on these instructions is the bit that says “If you are a U.S. person, please complete the enclosed W9 Form and return to us at the address below. ……blah blah blah…….. If you are not a U.S. person, please complete the enclosed Customer Information Form and include an explanation as to why you are not a U.S. person.”
Fuck off I am Uncle Norman seemed a bit too subtle so I would like to know if anyone has any better suggestions.
Posted in Uncategorised | 3 Comments »
03/10/2008 by Uncle.
The following is a resume of what Sam told me sometime after she was returned to her family. I have tried as best I can to keep it in her words.
Something’s that she told us are part of ongoing Police investigations and or legal proceedings and so it is not appropriate for me to repeat or make comment about them. I would hate some little shit of a barrister to use a legal technicality to get one of these fuckers off.
I have changed certain names and places for obvious reasons, the rest I am afraid to say is as I have told it. I wish it were and Isolated case - it isn’t.
“I was okay at school but not very popular. Most of the others thought I was a bit of a geek ‘cos my mum and dad were posh and cos I did well in tests and went riding and stuff. I wasn’t really an anorak, but they thought it. Some of them used to give me a hard time but nothing too bad now I think about it, just verbals.
Then one afternoon this lad Gavin who was outside the gates at school waiting for his sister like. I had seen him around like and he was a bit older than me maybe 16 or 17 and quite posh but he seemed to know a lot of people like. Anyways this girl Sharon was giving me some verbal and he told her to leave it out. He was quite fit and I was flattered that he should say summet to her for me. Sharon shut up well quick and left me alone and he started talking to me. He was a really nice lad and funny, a bit like Lee Evans just not old like ‘im.
Anyways he asks me to go out with him, well wot actually ‘appened was I saw ‘im a few times after school like and he says about going to McDonalds or summet and so we did and then he said would I go out with him and be his girlfriend like and stuff. He introduced me to his older mate called Danny. Then Danny comes up to me and says would I go out with ‘im instead. I said I couldn’t cos I was already goin out with this other lad, but Danny said it was cool and that he had spoken to him and he had said it was OK and that if I wanted they would share me. I think now it was daft, but then It was well cool and they were well jealous at school, specially Sharon cos she thought Danny was well horny , specially when he turned up in this random car which was totally awesome.
After a bit he had some new mobile phones he said his cousin got cos he worked for someone like the carphone ware house or summet like that. Anyways he gave me one, it was well smart like and much better than the old Nokia mum and dad had given me for Christmas a couple of years ago. He also had loads of CDs and DVDs and let me have them so I could copy them, but I didn’t have an ipod so he gave me one, it was well smart and he was great.
One saturday he took me to his cousins flat there was a few people there and he gave me some drink - Smirnoff ice or Bacardi Breezers, can’t remember too well now, but I thought this was wicked. I got a bit drunk and he was kissing me and touching me and then got his hands between my legs and I was feeling well horny and sort of strange like and it went from one thing to another….
I had to be home but he said he had had too much to drink and that I could get a cab or summet, but I wanted to stay with him cos I knew he loved me so we stayed. We had sex almost all night and in the morning I was really sore and had love bites an I din’t want my mum to see….well you know”
I was feeling a bit sick but he gave me some little pills and then a well smart watch and his Burberry cap. Funny init I didn’t feel sick no more when he gave me that. We went to his cousins flat a few times and the same things kept happening and then one night we were getting pissed with his cousin and Gavin was there an some of Dannys mates and a few other girls. He was feeling my tits and you know touching me down there whilst we was on the settee in front of the others. I was a bit embarrassed like, but cos the other girls were about the same age aand were doin the same I sort of thought “Why not?” it was OK.
I got more pissed and then one of the other lads started shagging his girl on the floor. I had never seen anyone else doin it and maybe cos I was pissed or summet but I felt well horny so I let Danny start goin further in front of everyone like. Then one of the other girls started blowin her bloke, and well then Danny got my pants off and said he wanted to do it there on the floor like the others. I wasn’t keen, but he said he loved me and that he wanted to show them how good I was and how beautiful I was and all that stuff. I was feelin hornier though and bit sort of out of it and anyways he got my stuff off and did it. He made me go on top and then Gavin came over and started feelin my tits and kissing me and I was all confused……….”
“A few days later we went to another house (the one we found her in) and there was a party and I had a lot to drink and they gave me some cannabis and some pills. I was well high and horny would have shagged a horse. Danny and I were doing it when Gavin and another lad, Phil the black boy at the house, came in and they started with me and I ended up having sex with all of them. I was confused like cos I loved Danny and Gavin was sort of my boyfriend, but like I hadn’t really seen much of him for ages and I thought Danny loved me but I thought cos they were well good mates it seemed alright and I thought whatever, it was cool…..I think.
I was getting shit from my mum and Dad and Danny told me that Dad had threatened him, which didn’t seem like my Dad but I knew Danny wouldn’t lie. Anyways I couldn’t take anymore shit at home and so Danny moved me into his flat for a lot of the time and said I was his girl now. I felt owned and wanted even if he did let his mates touch me and have sex with me I thought it was alright. There was this Gavin who is quite posh fella and Phil the black bloke and two other girls bit older than me I fink but one of them left after a day or so and the other went to Birmingham or someplace up North and then another girl came but she only stayed a few days. She had a big fight with Gavin and Phil and some stuff got broken and she ran off in the middle of the night. I didn’t see her go cos I was with Danny and pissed but they told me about it the next day.
I was drinkin and doin loads of cannabis and was well chilled, but not heavy stuff no blow or crack or whatever. Id di go home but I was getting grief and verbals from my mum and dad cos they didn’t like Danny. Even though Danny had told them he was looking after me right an all.
Then one day Danny said he had a big problem. He owed money to some bloke called Brian who was well ‘ard and the deal he was working on ‘ad not come through yet. This fella Brian was threatening ‘im and Danny was well shaken up. I says wot can we do and after some chat Danny says maybe you can ask him or persuade him it will be ok. I didn’t quite get his drift, but I ended up having sex with this Brian fell and two of his mates cos they said they wouldn’t hurt Danny. That was really where it all started going real bad. Danny was doin loads of good deals and I wanted to help im so I would “look after” some of his mates and friends. Course wot I didn’t realise was that I was being fucked by everyone now.
Then one day we we was goin out and we went to the house and the old bloke was there with two other girlss same age as me. He says he had some friends coming round and he needed us to do the biz with em and look after them right. I looked at Danny and he said “Its OK babe” do as the man said. There was a party and there were lots of men. No condoms just a big gang bang. That was the first time I went home for ages I think. I was in a right state and my dad went metals like and giving me verbals about what ad happened and I didn’t need his aggravation. Then he shut up an put me to bed like I was a little kid.
“Next day I gets a call from Danny, he’s well sorry but has a problem and needs to speak to me. So I goes and see im like and he says “Why you run off like you give me a biog problem with Brian - thats the older blokes name- he was going to cut me and you if he finds you and you talk to anyone.” I says I ave’nt talked to no-one likes and wouldn’t do that. Danny took me back to the flat and is really nice to me and we have sex like we used to and he gives me some new clothes and loads of pressies and stuff.
“Then the police turned up and started asking about a girl called Tina. We says we don’t know no Tina and then this older copper starts givin Danny a well ard time. He says “How come the Police in Manchester have given us this address and your name” Danny says “How the fuck should he know” The copper says “Wot you think they pulled an address out of Harry Potter fucking hat or some kind of lucky bag and bingo there just ahppens to be a geezer called Danny living there. Fucking coincidence” . “Yeah says Danny fancy that what a coincidence”. The the copper turns to me and says who am I and how old I am and all this. I tell him 13 almost 14, but dont tell him my name. He takes me into a hall on my own and talks to me and is quite nice. Bit like my dad but hard. He asks if I am OK where did I live and all this, but I blank him and tell im I am there with Danny of my own free will and I can go when ever I want. He said you can come with us now and there wont be any grief, no trouble, I’m sure your mum and dad will be worried about you. I says they dont give a shit and some stuff and In the end the copper says something like “its your life girly don’t fuck it up or more to the point dont let anyone fuck you up”.
He knew what was happening, but Danny had told me there was fuck all they could do about it if i said that I was there cos I was 13 and wanted to be and go if I wanted. It is only now that it seemed odd he should have told me to say that if the police spoke to me. When the coppers had gone I asked Danny about Tina and he said there had been some girl ages back who had been in the gang but had gone to Manchester to be a model or summet like that and he thought she was called Tina
It was the first time anyone had used the word gang. I had not thought they were a gang, but I know now that Brian is the head of the gang and Danny and Phil and the others are his soldiers. That night we went back to the house and Brian was there. He was real nice to me, told me not to worry about the police. He sadi Danny had told him I had done good and gave me champagne and then took me upstairs. He said he had bought me new clothes which were well smart. Then he says he had got me some really sexy undies which he asked me to try on. They were from Anne summers and were sexy and then he passed me this fur coat and I put it on over the undies. I had had some cannabis and with the champagne the fur and sexy stuff I was feeling very naughty and Brian was saying loads of nice things about how good I looked and that I Madonna look like an old dog and that he could speak to some friends about being a model maybe and stuff like that. Danny came up and Brian said would Danny mind if he made love to this beautiful woman. Nobody had called me a woman before let alone beautiful. Brian is rich and well dressed and drives a Lexus and to be honest I was really flattered and felt like a film star. Danny said OK but no liberties. Brian had sex with me, but was really gentle and nice. He knew about women. When I woke up though the undies and clothes were there but the coat had gone. I think maybe I dreamt that bit.
I dunno….
Things were good for few days and then the drinking and drugs got more heavy and Danny needed more favours and then there was another girl at the flat and house and then another and we was always at the house like. Phil used to guard the door cos he is a boxer and well ard. Gavin was out anaabout getting drugs sales organised for rich people and to other dealers. Danny spoke to Brian about the supplies. They never talked to me about it, I just heard bits and pieces. Everyday we would leave the flat and go to the house where we looked after some friends and uncles of Dannys or Gavins. We had sex with them to help the boys with the deals. I dont know how many men it was.
Then one day Gavin is well excited and says he has heard of a bloke out near Reading who can sort them with some pieces. He said the stuff was quite exy but worked and others had bought from these blokes and nobody had been sold a dud. I don’t know why they took us, but we went to this place and they left us in the car and went to this sort of shed place near and industrial estate. They came out looking well happy and carrying a couple of shopping bags. I dont know what it was about like but they were acting well pleased.
There was some talk of someone who had dissed them. I dont know what that was all about, but I think he owed Danny or Brian some money for summet. One Day Brian came and told them that they could now take care of this and sort this other bloke out. They were saying “yeah no problem Brian were on the case and its sorted”.
A few days later Danny went out one afternoon with Phil and they got back about 5 and they were zooming but in a funny kind of way. They kept watchin sky news and there was some lad who had got shot in Stockwell or Camberwell and they were well interested but didn’t say nothink like. We didn’t go to the house that night, well not as usual and then I think it was Brian rang and said what the fuck was goin on and so we went. There were lots of blokes to see. Danny and Phil got well off their heads.
By now Danny had got me some tablets I had to take every day like and my periods stopped for some reason. Danny said not to worry and that I could enjoy myself all the time. Then there was another change of girls cos the others had gone to a house somewhere else and another had “gone to join Tina” and they all laughed. I laughed, but there was summet that that made me scared. I thought lots of these girls is goin North like. I thought about leaving but every time I said about my mum or dad they would get me stuff and tell me how my parents didn’t love me, they hadn’t been lookin for me or tried to get hold of me or any think. I was too stupid to fink they didn’t have my new mobile number did they and that my one they knew about was under my bed in the flat. Just before you came I charged it up in secret and there was loads of messages from my mum and dad asking me to ring them. Hearing their voices made me sad, but if they knew what a slapper I was I knew they wouldn’t love me, how could they, I was a slag, I wasn’t even a ho cos I wasn’t gettin paid. I just couldn’t ring them I just couldn’t do it.
When you crashed the house I really thought you was coppers at first and then I was well confused and summet was not quite right. Then I thought you was going to kill me cos I kept feeling that Danny and Phil had done summet really bad like and I was thinkin how I could get away and be safe. Maybe I could do like them other girls and go up North maybe I could find that Tina and stay with her..
When I got home I was well scared to start with cos I was worried Danny and Phil and that would come and get me, but then when I heard they was inside and not gettin out I felt better. Tell the truth I wasn’t so good when I first got back home infact I was well fucked up. I started weein the bed and getting belly ache and stuff. I was sick cos I had an infection down there and some problem with my blood and some other stuff. I missed a lota school and stuff cos I was sick and cos I couldn’t cope and kept crying and stuff
I have been to the doctors and am sorted sort of and seen somebody to talk to for counselin and am feeling better. A bit anyways. I know now it was not my fault. I knew about not going near blokes in vans or strangers and that but none said nothink about groomers being about my age, well maybe a bit older but you know what I mean. He seemed so nice, they both did, interested in me, I thought they loved me I thought they wanted me cos I was cool, sexy and smart. I’m just stupid a kid really……. I should have known, but I was stupid to think someone like that would want a kid like me.
I am trying to catch up on my school stuff and have a teacher to myself to help me catch up. Its hard to think cos stuff comes into you head and it all gets really crowded, but the lady is really nice and she lets me take my time and that’s good.
My mum and dad and the others are magic and have been really good they give me my space but are there if I need them. Night times worst, its the nightmares, I see faces and hear voices and things. It is better but will it ever stop?
At school everyones been really good, most of all Sharon, she said she was a bitch to me before cos she said I was given her static which I wasn’t. Now if anyone is out of order Sharon looks after me. She was well cut up herself cos her sister had been found dead I don’t know when exactly, but about when I went off with Danny. She was somewhere in Manchester and the police said she had been a prossie and was on drugs. They couldn’t say if it were an overdose or suicide or summet else.
She was 17.
Her name was Tina.
Posted in Uncategorised | 6 Comments »
01/10/2008 by Uncle.
I was just about to head back upstairs to see Sam and the other girl when two things struck me. The first was what about Dannys car and the second was where the fuck was Gavin. Number 2 was answered almost immediately by some raised voices from the front of the house. It would seem that Gavin thought of himself as a bit of an athlete, so when the gun went off he was off out the front door like and Olympic sprinter. Unfortunately for Gavin he ran into the Scouse Git. Now then, Having his hand secured behind his back put Gavin at a bit of a disadvantage and so SG “decked him like” and dragged him back into the house. It was fortunate for us that SC had covered the front door as he had, but unfortunately, in the process of being “decked”, Gavin had not been as quite as one would have wished, in fact, the truth be told he had apparently been bloody noisy which is just what we didn’t need. Somebody was bound to ring the real police - or would they?
I shouted to Boris to get Dannys car keys and to give the car a quick turn over to see what he could find.
Upstairs, I thought I had better have a look at the other girl. She was not in a good way. She was away with the fairies, drugged out of her head with God knows what and I was unable to make any real sense of what she was on about. In my humble opinion I reckoned she was just short of an OD. There is no way we could take her with us, because a) she was a liability b) she needed proper nay urgent medical assistance and last but not least she was not really our problem. I know that sounds harsh, but that was a fact. We knew nothing about her and could be creating a whole can of worms for ourselves if we dragged her out of this place.
She was untied and put on the bed in the recovery position. Benny or Obo I forget which had got the name and addresses of the two punters and checked their drivers licences and after they had got dressed and were off like a couple of middle aged pot bellied whippets.
Back in the front room we got Sam up and released her arms and helped her get dressed. She didn’t seem drugged, but she was dazed and confused. The punter was quiet but when I went to release his ankles he started playing up again. Threatening us with all sorts of violence and unpleasantness. He was one of these who knew this bloke or that bloke and threw names at us in an effort to impress us. Sadly for him he was wasting his breath because they meant nothing to me, but I suppose they were some sort of local hard men of South London Mafia. Mind you even if I did know them, so what? He was trussed like a Christmas turkey and they weren’t here. I asked him how the news that he was really a paedophile would go down in any of the Sarf london boozers he would use and he went rather quiet at that point. So what to do with him? A plan came to mind. Benny and Obo dragged him into the other room and dumped him on the bed with the other girl.
Another couple of minutes had gone by and now it really was time to fuck off pdq. We all went downstairs with Sam and she was taken straight out and put into the back of one of the vans with Benny.
Boris in the meantime has had a quick shufty through Dannys mean machine. He had found more drugs and money plus a very convincing looking Uzi.
Time to Go
“Right listen up. Take most of the money, but leave the guns here except for the uzi. Throw some of the drugs and cash about in both rooms, upset a bit of furniture on your way out. Team1 out to you van and go. Team 2 one of you get your van round here nice and slowly and park just up the road ready to go.”
“SG whats your view of our mans car”
“What do you mean Boss?”
“What the electrics like”
“Oh well dodgy like, they are always goin up in smoke round my way you know”
“Funnily enough that doesn’t come as a shock. Could you give his a quick once over for me”
“No probs but we best get movin like”
And we did. Those leaving walked casually from the house and into their respective vehicles. The first van drove off quite normally and a few seconds later SG had driven off in the other direction and 99.9% of the population would not have given the activity a second thought. Thirty seconds later everyone else from the team apart from me was in the other van down the road. Gavin, Danny, the Black lad and the Sarf London Geezer were left secured in the house, the front door wide open. The other lass crashed out on the bed. I picked up the uzi and thought about giving a quick burst into the air and then decided against it because strangely enough there was a warm cosy glow radiated from the inside of Danny’s car, looks as if SG was right and the electrics on Danny’s car were dodgy and it had gone on fire. I dropped the Uzi on the ground by the entrance to the house and slowly walked down the road to meet the other van.
We trundled away towards Bromley, but were passed by a police car and then two armed response units blatting towards where we had come from.
There was still quite a bit for the team to do, but for the moment the most important thing was to reunite Sam with her parents. I changed out of my overalls and took off the body armour. My face really hurt and I had a terrible headache, but it would have to wait.
Team1 had dropped Sam along with Dave H not far from Sam’s house a few minutes before I got there. They were standing there silently in the cold. I got out of the van and nobody spoke and it drove off quietly and nonchalantly. Dave nodded but said nothing to me and just walked off. I took Sam gently by the shoulder and we started to walk towards he home. The snow had turned back to sleet and it was damp and cold and bloody miserable.
She shuffled along, her head down her hair hung limply over her face and shoulders. Her confidence, self respect and childhood was gone. We turned into her road but about 50 yards or so from her house she stopped. She stood dead still her head even lower and her shoulders and and head started to shake up and down as she started to cry. I stood in front of her and took both her hands gently in mine. She lifted her head up and looked up at me.
Total despair.
Her eyes were red and her make up was all over the place. She looked like the living dead and at that point I think she probably was the living dead.
“Mister” she gasped between sobs.
“Yes”
“Who are you, what’s gonna happen to me, what am I gonna do, who will ‘ave me now?” she sniffed
“Who I am is not important, what happens to you now is very much up to you, but as for who’s going to have you and look after you, well that’s easy”
“Who” she sobbed
“Your mum and dad”
“Huh yeah but yea but no no no, they wont want me, not like this”
“How do you know?”
“Well who would”
“They do”
“Yeah but yeah how can you be so sure for real”
“Because that’s why they employed me to find you and get you”
“They paid you?”
“Yes, you didn’t think we were knights in shining armour and just happen to burst in by chance did you?”
She shrugged “Well I didn’t know what to think, I thought you was gonna kill us or sommit or that you were the police”
I put my hand on her shoulder “Come on chicken cheer up, it’s not that bad, nothing ever is, you just can’t see it at the moment, it’ll be alright, I promise”
She looked up and into my eyes. I held her stare and after what seemed eternity she smiled and wiped her nose on her sleeve and for the first time I could almost see the girl in the photo. I passed her my hankie and wiped her eyes and got most of the smeared make up off. It wasn’t great, but it was better, at least now she just looked more like a tired girl than a extra from “Shaun of the Dead”.
“Come on” I said “Lets go its bloody freezing”
We got her gate and I opened it and stood back to let her go first.
“Mister will you come with me please. I’m well scared, I think I might shit myself”
“You’re fine, your tummy is just a bit upset from shock and fright, we all get it, but you wont shit I promise”
“Oh” she let out a little wail “I don’t know if I can do this”
I held her chin in my hand and looked her in the eyes “I said you’re going to be OK and I will be here to make sure you are”
She looked back and smiled and then slowly and very gently touched my throbbing swollen cheek
“Thank you”
“Your welcome, now then lets do this shall we”
She smiled and nodded. We walked down the path and I rang the door bell. We stood and waited for what seemed like an age.
“Maybe they aren’t in, maybe they have gone out”
A few seconds later the door was opened by Mum and warm yellow light and the warmth and smell of home flooded the freezing cold door step. Dad was there in the next instant.
There were no cries of delight or anything like that just the unconditional unquestioning love of two parents for their child. They wrapped her up in their arms and the miracle of that love turned the living dead back into a little girl. Actions speak louder than words.
Silently I stepped back and slipped down the path and away into the freezing cold night.
Threes a family, Norms a crowd.
Posted in Uncategorised | 4 Comments »
26/09/2008 by Uncle.
The oxford English Dictionary defines the word team as “…..two or more people working together” which is what we do and having crashed our way into the house is just what we did.
T was fairly typical house, The front door opened into a long hallway with two room downstairs off to the left and the stairs going up on our right. There was a living room at the front of the property and a dinning room at the back and a kitchen at the end of the hallway. Not palatial, just normal.
The five man scrum charged into the hallway dragging the hapless Gavin along. The two front men - Andy and Boris had the guns we had taken from the other flat drawn and ready to use. With their right arms extended we hurtled through the property like a dose of salts. There is no time for niceties. In quick and hard, secure everyone in there so they can’t piss about and then pick the bones out of who is who and what is what. Opposition or resistance is met with the maximum amount of force to keep the game going our way. No more, but definitely no less.
The first door was almost immediately on our left and Andy peeled off, gun extended in front of him as an extension of his arm “LIE DOWN LIE DOWN” was his introduction to the three men sitting there. There were sounds of astonished protest, but the order was shouted out again as He was joined by Benny the boat who dumped Gavin on the floor of the front room.
At the same time the the second team were heading towards us having come through the kitchen. As predicted they had had no problem getting in from the back. Boris charged towards them and into the room at the back just ahead of BF and SB. The order to lie down was shouted but almost at there same time there was a very loud bang, the unmistakable sound of a gun shot and then more shouted orders and the sounds of breaking furniture and somebody being restrained non too gently.
I was heading up the stairs followed by Obo 2 and Benny, who, having deposited Gavin was needed to secure the upstairs.
I got to the top of the stairs and turned left and moved towards the front and crashed through the door of the front bedroom, which as per the norm turned out to be the biggest bedroom. It smelt sweaty and shut up with the heavy odour of perfume and people. It was dimly lit in a sort of red glow from a bedside light with a tatty lamp shade with tassels. Not exactly Ikea. There was a flat screen TV with a porn film running. All I could see were limbs and flesh tones and to be honest this was not the time to settle down with a Chicken tikka a and a couple of cans of Stella.
The bed was directly in front of the door. It had a grubby looking old fashioned pink/red quilt on it along with a naked bloke of about 60 who was lying on his back with a young naked girl holding his todger. If I was to guess, I would have said that I had just interrupted her giving him a blow job. They both looked at me. I thought it was our girl Sam, but could not be entirely sure because of the dim light, her makeup and simply because of how different she looked to the photo her mum and dad had shown me. Her face was sort of gaunt and her eyes dark and puffy. Any way, irrespective of who she was, the agenda here is to secure everyone so nobody is tempted to do anything stupid. I shouted at them “DO NOT MOVE UNLESS I TELL YOU TO”
The girl let out a sort of shriek. I pointed at her “YOU DORIS, OFF THE BED, ON THE FLOOR, FACE DOWN, NOW!” She moved like greased lightening half trying to cover her fanny and young bouncing tits, but she did seem more intent on just trying to get out of the way and do as she was told. In the circumstances I don’t know why she should cover herself up but that’s humans for you.
“YOU ON YOUR FRONT!” pointing at nudey boy.
“who the fuck…” He sat up resting on his elbows …Wrong answer. I reached down and with my right hand grabbed his hair and with my left hand took a hefty grip of his nuts and started to lifted him
“FUCKIN MOVE” I shouted.
The silly fucker just could not do as he was told could he and lashed out. His fists crunched into the helmet and although it was noisy, I am very pleased to say it did not hurt me as much as it hurt him. Like most people my strongest arm is my right, but in this case, my left hand was doing a a bloody good job of crushing his nuts so it was this hand that remained in place. I let go of his hair, his head dropped back before he realised it was going to. He let out a yelp of pain as he ricked his neck, but he soon forgot that as my open right hand drove forward. The palm smashed into his face and any further ideas of fighting disappeared along with the rigidity of his nose. There was the familiar crunch of cartilage and gristle as his nose gave way and blood splattered over his chest and the bed. He stopped trying to fight and drew his hands to his face in a vain attempt to staunch the flow of blood.
There were a few shouts coming from other parts of the house but it sounded as if all was under control.
“HUw bwoke my hanose” he gasped - clearly a sharp cookie with some medical knowledge.
“ROLL OVER” I shouted and this time he did, albeit reluctantly.
“HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK” he wanted to, but he just couldn’t leave his nose alone, but he didn’t resist and his wrists and ankles were secured with a couple of cable ties in the blink of an eye.
I turned to where the girl was lying on the floor.
“HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK” she did as she was told and lay there naked like a rag doll whilst I secured her hands.
I was kneeling by her head “What’s your name?”
“FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE” was her hysterical reply
I picked her up by the hair at the side of her head (do you remember teachers used to be able to do that and fuck me did it hurt. In fact it still does.) she screamed in pain.
“I do not have time to fuck around girly, I asked you what is your name?”
She was gasping and starting to cry and the yank on her hair had told her that I really did mean business.
“Ssssssssaaaaaaaaaammmmmmeerrrrrrrr” she wailed
I put my hand gently on her head and she flinched expecting more pain.
“Its alright Sam, do as your told and everything will be alright, we’ve come to take you home ”
she was breathing heavily, sniffing and almost sobbing but not quite, but enough so I did not understand what she was saying.
“Sam, where are your clothes?”
Eventually I got it out of her that they were down stairs with Danny.
“Stay here I will be back in minute” Idiot Norman, as if she was going to go anywhere, stark bollock naked in winter with her hands cable tied behind her back. Actually, can we say women are stark bollock naked? Anyway, whatever, she was naked. I stood up and pulled the quilt off the bed from under the bleeding punter. It was cheap, old tacky and greasy, in short it felt vile, but it was the only thing I could see to cover her up and keep her warm.
Obo2 was in the room “All secure Boss, but they need you downstairs pronto”
I told him to stay put there and I would find some clothes for Sam.
“There’s another girl and two punters in the room next door. She don’t look so good I reckons she is well out of it on drugs, but she was being ‘ad by both blokes when we got in there.”
“Nice I’ll take a look in a mo”
I ran down stairs to the back room where I had hear the gun shot fearing the worse. In the back room there was a dining table pushed to one side and looked as if it was being used as a desk. On it were a laptop some papers, two canvas bags or stachels and a pile of bank notes.
Danny was lying face down on the floor and was not looking so hot. At a guess, from the angle of his right arm I would say it was dislocated but more likely broken. He was moaning on about something or other and bleeding from the face and had a cut on the side of his head, but he was still being gobby.
It was BF who spoke “Little fucker tried to shoot Boris with this” He handed me what looked like a Berretta, but it was lighter than normal which made me think that it was a converted imitation. Mind you, quite clearly who had ever done the converting, knew what they were doing.
“You alright?” I asked Boris.
“Yeah no harm done, it’s not as bad as it could have been, little shit head”
“Yeah fortunately it missed by the hair of a gnats knacker and went into the door frame” Said SB.
“Right boys apart from that, what do we have here?”
BF gave a sit rep ” Right Boss, in terms of bodies, there are three punters waiting for fun with the girls and the black lad next door. It would seem he looks after the money and the door. Danny here, well he has a cupboard full of pills what looks like a hefty mix of H and blow. Plus….” He turned his back on me and put his hand into one of two canvas satchels and the pile of bank notes that were on the table and turned round holding two hefty wads of wonger “LOADS OF MONEY” in his best Harry Enfield voice.
I went over to where Danny was and knelt down on one knee by his head and lifted his head up so he looked at me.
“Hello Danny ” I said pleasantly
“You’re well in the shit, you are, I’m goin to complain about you” he wheezed
“Oh really, who to exactly” I said all calmly.
“THE IPCCC or whoever does coppers” he half shouted.
“Interesting”
“What is?” he wheezed again
“What makes you think we will leave you alive to complain, Danny?”
“You can’t..”
I grabbed his hair and yanked his head upwards with as much force as I could he yelped, gasped, panted and tried to protest
“DO NOT TELL ME WHAT I CAN AND CANNOT DO YOU LITLLE FUCK PIG” and drove his face into the floor.
I stood up, time was getting on and we really should not hang around longer than necessary.
“Right find out where these guns have come from, then round up all the money you can find and lets go”
I almost forgot the girls clothes. Initially Danny didn’t want to play ball, but there is nothing like a 110kg bloke standing on your head to make you change your mind and he suddenly remembered where the clothes were. I left BF and Bob to find out about the guns, and I knew it would not take them long.
I went into the front room. The black dude looked a bit better than Danny but not much. His right eye was totally closed and he had a mega split over his right eye and he was bleeding like a stuck pig.
“Reckons he’s a bit of a boxer” Said Andy nodding at the trussed youth and passing me another hand gun. Apparently a Browning 9mm, but it wasn’t real.
“Not with weak eyes like that he isn’t” I replied. Our conversation was rudely interrupted by a short muted scream from the room next door.
Andy and I looked at each other and then at the black lad on the floor.
“I tried telling him Boss, but you know what these lads are, knows all the answers”
I knelt down next to this joker.
“Hello son what’s being go on then?”
Had he being standing he would have given a shrug, but he wasn’t standing so he sort of wriggled on the floor.
“Not too chatty?”
He wriggled again.
“Ah well not that I give a fuck”
I stood up “What about you lot”
The three other blokes looked at the carpet and said nothing then one man spoke up. He was very well spoken and very expensively dressed “Look officer, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I understand you chaps have a job to do and I am right behind you, we all are, but I was told there was somebody here who wanted investment advice, I don’t know any more than that.”
“Really?” I said
“Yes indeed” he said more confidently
“Where do you live?”
“What?”
“Where do you live, its not a hard question, most people know where they live”
“Oh yes quite erm well err Dulwich” he said
“I bet you do, so if we speak to your wife or secretary, they will confirm you had an appointment here?”
“Erm well I erm er don’t know if they could” He stammered
“Nice try, but just quit whilst your behind”
He shut up.
I turned to Andy. “Search them and cop their names and addresses and then let them go and when they are out of here give hime something to think about”
I went back into the dining room
“Got the rub on the guns Boss” said BF
Danny was whimpering and has pissed himself. I don’t know what they had done to him, but I do know they are quick, clean and efficient and not their methods are not approved of in Geneva.
“Right on the hurry up now please chaps”
We had been here less than 5 minutes but the clock was ticking and it really was time to sort the girls and get out, after all I would hate for us to overstay our welcome it is most impolite.
Posted in Uncategorised | 2 Comments »
10/09/2008 by Uncle.
As soon as we were back in the van it was time to contact the others. Whilst we had been having our little social interaction with Gavin the others had landed up in Ewart Road Forest Hill which is not too far off the South Circular. Scouse Git and Obo1 had housed them and were now sitting up on the other side of the road almost directly opposite, whilst the other team were parked up in the car park of a block of flats just down the road awaiting our arrival.
It was decided that the obo team in the small van would stay in situ and keep the front of the property under surveillance and the rest of the team would park RV at McDonalds. I know, twice in one night, say what you like, but I am too good to these lads sometimes.
It had started raining and had the feel that it could snow and the evening Traffic was pretty turgid and so it was about 8.30pm when we eventually we got to our appointed RVP.
It was nippy and when I walked into the warmth of that fine eatery the temperature difference really made my cheek hurt from where Gavin had stuck one on me. The place was damp and sweaty and the clientele charming. De boyz in de hood strutted their stuff and tried to impress their hos. There was a lot of testosterone and pheromones around. One tosser barged into Boris and sucked his teeth and said in a yankee rapper accent “Hey man whad da f….” but stopped in his tracks. Boris looked at him. He looked at Boris. I looked at him and looked at me and then Boris. Andy looked at him and he looked at Andy me and Boris.
Our lads were there already and they looked at him. He ust have felt the looks becasue he turned and looked at them before looking at us thee again.
“Err sorry mate no offence intended” he said perfectly normally and nicely
“None taken son” smiled Boris “You want to be careful”
The gangsta looked alarmed “Why’s that?”
“Its freezing out and well slippery” Reply Boris “Dont want to slip and drop your quarter pounder and get your gear all wet”
“GEAR” the youth squawked
“He meant your clothes” I clarified and he visibly relaxed and smiled
“Oh yeah thanks mate”
“No problem” Said Boris “Take it easy”
“You too gents” and he was gone like a whippet out of a trap.
“What was wrong with him?” asked Boris all innocently.
“Hey up Norm been trying out some of your famous chat up lines have you” Chortled Skinny Bob as he saw the swelling on my cheek
“Very Funny indeed” I smirked, which I shouldn’t have done that because it hurt more.
“Silly cunt twatted the Boss” reported Boris
“A bit careless Norm, I hope you suitably chastised him” retorted SB
He was right it was careless and in different circumstance that sought of slack arsed approach can have serious consequences. I reflected on this and decided that a swollen cheek was a lucky let off and made a mental note to be more attentive.
“Yeah, sorry Bob I’ll try to buck up” I said in a contrite way.
“No offence Norm” he said quickly
“None taken, now then what’s the SP”
It was BF that spoke “In a nut shell Norm, the two lads went straight to the address with the two girls, Sam and the other one. After about ten minutes another youth left with another doris aged about 17 and they walked off. Since then there has been a stead stream of people turning up at the address, mostly blokes but there were two dog rough looking birds who turned up carrying carrier bags. They went in for about five minutes and then left without the bags. Then it got busier and it seems that there are usually three other blokes in addition to our two lads in the house at any one time.
“Is it a flat or a house?” asked Andy
“House, definitely, because we saw one of the girls look out the top windows” said BF. “Plus we have had a little looksy and there is entry phone with a camera and only one button. The punters ring the bell and are buzzed in”
“What do you reckon then?” asked Boris “Drugs or what?”
“I reckon it is a bit of an all round knocking shop” said BF ” There’s a right mixed bag of punters, mostly men, but as I said there there were two birds who turned up.”
“What about the back of the premises” I asked
“There are gardens at the back of the house and you can get to them via a service road to the garages from the block of flats where we are parked up just down the road. We did a quick shufty and the fece wont be aproblem and from there its up the garden to the back door.”
What about security lights?” I asked
“Not a problem, the neighbours have a poxy dog which lives in the garden and runs up and down barking and no light comes on. Its pretty dark and when we went down there we could see one of the lads sitting in the downstairs room at the back watching a telly. He paid no attention to the fucking dog. I’d kill it within two minutes if I lived there.”
“What a shocker” said Benny the Boat “And here’s me having you and Bob down as animal lovers” His quip was greeted with good natured laughter bearing in mind these two had killed more dogs - barking or otherwise than you could shake a stick at.
“Any way” Continued BF “Bob and I can get to the back door with no trouble and I reckon we should be able to get in from the back without too much hassle. Our concern is that they are buzzing in their visitors to the front door. Now we could try and blag it, but we cannot be sure they wont twig were not friendly and that could give us enough of a delay or them to be on their guard and give us problems. Plan two is that we do the doors with one of the enforcers, but that would be noisy and really we want to be in and out as quickly as poss with the minimum of fuss and disturbance.”
There was a lot of group nodding here.
“So option three” continued BF ” is that we use Gavin at the front door as they will probably let him in without thinking twice, as soon as the door is open we neutralise him and secure everyone in the premises and find out what we have. If they fuck about we banjo the doors with the enforcers and just crash the place anyway.”
“its a bit of risk” pointed out Dave H
“It is” agreed BF “But I reckon its the best option, if he fucks about we just do him and I reckon from what little I know of your earlier encounter he might just have twigged that we are not in any mood for fucking about”
“I hope so” I said “But you know how thick people can be”
There was a sad murmur of agreement.
“Right then this is where we give you the additional bad news” I said and proceed to tell them about the “hand tools” we had “Picked up”.
They all listened and nodded.
“Now then as we all know our objective here is to get in and remove the girl Sam and to return here to her parents with as little attention to us as possible. Whatever happens Sam is leaving with us. If they other girl is in similar position and wants to leave we will remove her, but I think we all know that we have a bit of an unknown here. First things first Should it go tits up make your way to your designated contact point and await instructions. Should we take casualties get them to Scouse git and Obo 1 and they will medivac. Should the other side take serious casualties then its cal an ambulance from one of their phones on the way out and say there has been a gang fight and we fuck off pdq. Vehicles are dumped at the designated drop change over point and “tidied” as per usual.”
“What about the hand tools” asked Boris” Is it worth using them?”
A good question indeed. The short answer would have normally been yes, but the only problem was we didn’t know what state these weapons were in. Although they looked real and looked capable of firing we had only given them a fairly cursory glance. If I am honest my concern was that they had felt light as if they were converted imitation weapons. These can be converted to fire live rounds, but can go pop in your hand depending on the quality of the product. I suppose really I should say “No Boris, violence breed violence and this is a bad example to the youf on de stweets just like the one we bumped into a minute or so ago”, but to be honest I really don’t give flying fuck about de youf on de stweet or whether one ner do well goes killing another. However, we had a very real problem to face, in that these jokers had these and other weapons at their flat and so it was more than a racing certainty that they would have more, especially if they were up to a touch on naughtiness. In other words it was reasonable to assume that they would take appropriate measures to look after themselves. In that case so should we.
“Bring the tools, but for fuck sake be careful. Any volunteers?” Boris and Andy G nodded “OK You sure?” The nodded again ” Right then, I agree with BF the plan is this we bring Gavin up to the entry phone with one gun in his back you two are first men in. When we are inside ditch Gavin where he cant do any harm. Right, Two teams as before. Team 1 will assault the front in a standard five man formation. This will be Boris and Andy G with gorgeous Gavin in the middle. I will be the man in the middle and will operate the enforcer should we not get in on the entry phone. Obo2 and Benny the Boat will be the back men. Team 2 will be BF, Skinny Bob and Dave H who will take the back of the premises you know the drill.” The three men nodded “Now, Obo 2 will be responsible for going straight to the rear of the premises and for ensuring that the back door is opened in the event of any problems there. So far so good?”
It was
“Right, we know there are at least two bad boys and maybe two or three other blokes will be inside plus at least two girls. We don’t know which way they swing at the moment so treat them as hostile until we know otherwise. Now then Gavin thought we were old Bill so there is a good chance that these other jokers might make the same mistake lets not put them right too early if at all. As arranged we will all have flameproof overalls and we will all wear ski masks plus we have 5 police NATO helmets (police riot helmets with a plastic visor) to help the illusion along a bit. Any questions”
There weren’t because we had done this so many times before. It sounds sort of fluid because it is. In short you know the drill, you secure the premises and neutralise any risk against you using whatever force is necessary and then you can pick the bones out of what you’ve got and take the person you are looking for and fuck off out of it before the neighbours ring the real police or any cavalry turn up.
I looked out of the window and the sleety rain was more snowy now.
“Right then back to the vans get kitted up and when we are ready the backdoor team can move into position”
We stood up and left the warmth and went into the cold wet night. Traffic was lighter and but there still seemed to be quite a few people around nonetheless.
About ten or 15 minute later and we were kitted up and had had the nod that T2 were ready to move into position. We were now ready to deploy and as soon as we got the call saying that T2 were in position we would move in very quickly. A silence descended on to the occupants of the van which was disturbed by the nervous shaking of Gavin and his wheezy breathing.
“All units from T2 we have cleared the boundary”
That was our signal to leave the van and move as a squad towards the house. The van doors opened and Boris and Andy were out along with the lump of lard formerly known as Gavin between them. They went into a crouch on the road between the van and the car parked behind us. I was out and down behind them immediatly as was Andy and Obo2 who were behind me. We resembled a rugby scrum kneeling between two parked vehicles.
“Units from T2 moving into position”
That was the signal for us to move as one towards the house. Boris and Andy having a vice like grip on the reluctant Gavin started to move with me and the others right up close. Across the paveemtn to right in front of the door.
“Units from T1 in position” I whispered transmission
“T2 ready” They whispered back
“Obo1 ready”
“All units standby”
“Right” Boris hissed to Gavin from in side his riot helmet “Ring the buzzer and don’t fuck about or I will kill you before you can say dead. have you got that”
“Yes” he croaked and nodded.
“Good boy”
Gavin stood up and inched to the door
“All units standby G is at the door” I whispered into the radio.
Gavin pressed the door bell and it buzzed and a light by the little entry cmera lit up
“Hullo” said a crackly voice which sounded deafening to me
“Hullo err its Gavin” he said stupidly
“Gavin? Wot the fuck you want?”
“Ah need to talk like”
“whar abart?”
“I need to talk to you about summet”
“Fuckin ‘ell Gavin awight cum in, but yuoll ‘ave to be kwik like”
The door buzzed and Gavin instinctively put his right hand up and pushed
“ALL UNITS GO GO GO” I shouted into the radio.
The crouched scrum sprung up and forward and the combined weight of about 560kg hit Gavin in the back and sent him smashing through the front door and down on to his face like a sack of spuds in the hallway. As Benny stepped over him he grabbed him by the hair and dragged him into the house.
We were in.
Posted in Uncategorised | 3 Comments »
26/08/2008 by Uncle.
Well my plans to add some more entries to the blog whilst in holiday just have not worked out, but I am not sorry because I have had a great time with the dustbin lids and L. Also a blog is a blog not the be all and end all of my life.
I know its not the done thing in fear filled Britain, but they are tanned (oh my god what about the skin cancer) and healthy looking having all toned up with all the walking and swimming so they have lost that little bit of spongy podge that British kids have from being driven every where.
The younger kids though are getting home sick and miss their mums, which is only natural and very understandable . You think you remember what its like to be a kid, because a lot of the time it seems just like yesterday, but we don’t. We remember things as they were through older eyes. Times change, attitudes change and things move on, except they don’t really. What doesn’t change is that kids still miss their mums and the mums miss them.
I would say the biggest difference between now and when I was a kid is that Britain and the British are so fearful of everything, Cancer, child abuse, Muslims, blah blah, this that and the other and all fuelled by the newspapers such as the Daily Wail. Where do they get their info from? I would like to say more, but this has already started to turn into a rant so best I shut up before I sound like one of those angry old men.
Enough of that, we moved west from Frejus and had a few days over in Drome Provence Near Ornage, with a French friend of mine. He is an ex Para (French) who I met a long time ago in West Africa. I might tell you how we met one day, but dont hold your breath. We had a good time there and ate tons of fougasse (bread with Lardons and Olives), wonderful Olives from Nyons and drank bloody gallons of Cotes du Rhone.
We were basking in the glow of the heat being radiated back from the wall of the terrace the crickets and insects were giving it rock all when the telephone rang.
Veronique who has been the wife of a professional soldier all her married life went to answer it and Jerome and I sat chatting quietly. I think it was the very very quiet “Merci” that shattered the peace.
Their only son Theo who is about 26 is also with the French Parachute regiment in Afghanistan, although at the moment he is “assigned” meaning he is up to big boys stuff. The details were sketchy but the thrust of the news was that at least 10 French soldiers had been killed and as many as 22 injured in a big fire fight not far from Kabul. Theo was not dead, but he and three colleagues were unaccounted for.
Veronique got down to action and started whipping out Ice cream for the kids from the freezer, bottles of coke and loads of goodies. The kids lapped up the party atmosphere as she dealt with this crisis in her way. Jerome was quiet and sipped his pastis. We have been there, we have done the fighting, been separated, injured, got back and lived to tell the tale. The thing is from the comfort of your chair there is just no knowing what is what. However we have both been to Afghanistan and I can tell you if there is one place you really don’t want to be on your Jack Jones it is there. Jerome put it very bluntly “What will be will be, he is a professional this is what he is paid to do!”
4 a.m ish The phone rang and was answered in a split second and then it was followed by a torrent of very angry French from Veronique. We all met on the landing “Do you believe that boy?” she raged “He said his C.O had told him to ring us and he thought there was something wrong with the dog” “I asked him about the battle and all he said was “Ah oui” it was bad and he had to walk back to base which was about 5okm, but he had had a couple of beers and a shower and a debrief and then remembered he was supposed to ring us. Honestly I ask you.” She looked at Jerome who smiled a big proud stupid dads smile .
What the hell are you smiling at, he is as bad as you, I can see where he doesn’t get his brains from” and with that she stomped very crossly back in to their bedroom and slammed the door
Jerome stood there grinning “She’s pleased really. What did she expect him to say, he’s a professional, thats what we do”
We all went back to bed and tried to sleep, but through the night’s silence we all heard the soft quiet sobbing of a very relieved mum.
Posted in Uncategorised | 5 Comments »
12/08/2008 by Uncle.
I mentioned that I was going on holiday so there is L, myself and the seven nieces and nephews.
We are staying at St Aygulf for the time being which is near Frejus if you know this neck of the woods and so far the weather has been spot on, a little hot for the kids at times, but nothing a dip in the sea cannot cure.
However I had forgotten that holidays were such hard work - walks, beach, snorkelling eating out - christ these kids can eat like there’s no tomorrow. I thought I would laze about catch up with the blog and score some rays - not that I really need to top my tan up and just generally chill.
A lie in is out of the question as the boys and girls have had me up at sparrows fart.
There is a coastal path that runs between the gardens of the houses over looking the sea and the sea. There are loads of little coves and shingle beaches and the kids love getting up first thing in the morning and wandering along. The sea gently laps at the shingle and rocks and the only noise is that of a few little fishing boats out at sea. They skim stones, and ponce about on the rocks and inevitably one will get their sandals wet, much to the hilarity of the the others. Every day they try their hands at fishing as the sun comes up across the Med. There is line and hooks all over the bloody place and we have avoided serious injury by the hair off a gnats knacker.
There is a concrete bench near one of the coves where we sit in a line looking out to sea before heading back for breakfast. It is without doubt the best time of the day, maybe then year. Sometimes one of the kids will talk about something that might be on their on their minds sometimes we just sit there in total silence.
This morning were sitting there gazing out to sea and Little Mary the youngest suddenly says to me
“Uncle Norman God must be really really big”
“I suppose so” I said a little taken aback “What made you say that?”
she pointed out to sea at the fiery orange sun on the horizon and said “Well if thats the son of god and he is really big and bright so his dad must be massif”
This is what holidays are made of.
Posted in Uncategorised | 5 Comments »
30/07/2008 by Uncle.
A few weeks ago I said I would be off on a little job for a few days and that I would finish my trafficking story. Well, it seems that a few days was a bit of an underestimate. I got back on Monday to a very excited but also very cross L.
I was very touched by the emails and messages of concern and I am sorry I have not been able to keep people up to date with my shenanigans. I am pleased to say that apart from being bronzed by the sun to a point where the immigration people gave me a seriously hard time and being about 20kg lighter than when I left I am OK.
I am going taking L and the nephews and nieces on holiday to the South of France for a couple of weeks or so. However I will be taking my laptop and I will be finishing off the last story and hopefully starting something new.
Posted in Uncategorised | 3 Comments »
14/06/2008 by Uncle.
I am sorry to have left the Traffic story in limbo, but I will post the next part sometime towards the end of next week and I hope to finish the story off asap.
I have been tucked up with funerals and the like and am currently away on a little job and will not be back in the UK until Thursday of next week. I wish I could say it was nice and that I was having a lovely time, but it isn’t and I am not. Keep watching the BBC website and the Africa pages, it seems as if the whole continent is hurtling into total mayhem.
Still for us it’s and ill wind that blows no good and there is a lot of money to be made by some, the problem is choosing the right side and I don’t just mean the ones who will win and pay you, but the RIGHT side.
The thing is that I don’t know if there is a right side at the moment.
Posted in Uncategorised | 3 Comments »
04/06/2008 by Uncle.
The Grim Reaper has been playing havoc in the last few weeks.
First Harry The Dog.
Then Eve, my mate Billys mum - she was like a second mum to me since I was 8. She was always there for a chat and a cuppa if I was passing through York.
Yesterday my sister aged 48 from cancer of the Ovaries. We didn’t see a lot of each other but we understood each other and got on pretty well.
Death is a big part of my life, but jeez this is taking the piss.
My next posts will be on the merits of undertakers and the best funeral sandwiches. Actually Eves are in front. They do a nice sarnie at the Chase Hotel York should you be interested. Their lemon cake is pretty good as well.
Sadly my sister had moved south so no lemon cake for me, besides which her old man is a bit of tihght wad
Upwards and onwards.
Posted in Uncategorised | 3 Comments »