World Cup Fever

I had braved the volcanic ash and Ryanair’s baggage policy and met up with some long standing friends of highly dubious reputation.

I have to say, that having not seen the motley bunch for some time I was a little taken aback at how hang dog they seemed.  There were the usual bad taste jokes too much beer and the evening ended with the inevitable ruby murray in the king Street Tandoori, but there was an air of melancholy about them.

Being the caring sort of geezer that I am and taking my mens welfare seriously I felt it was time to put all that managerial training to good use and to see if I could counsel them through this difficult time and to touch those sensitive issues, which would bond us and allow these troubled individuals to draw on their inner talents and strengths and thus overcome whatever bollocks was making them so friggin miserable.

“What the fuck is wrong with you lot?  Christ you think you had your nuts chopped off the way you are all sitting here with faces like a wet Sunday, sorry Dave no offence intended”

Dave “No nuts” nodded back “None taken boss”- its a long story that can be summed up by the words bullet & balls – but moving on I looked at them “What is the problem?”

“Well ” said Dave looking a bit sheepish” It’s just that we are all getting old Boss and its all sort of slipping away from us like”

“What do you mean, what’s slipping away?” I asked.

“Life” said Andy G

“And what the hell has brought all this on, have you lot been watching Oprah or day time TV again” I asked

” Its The world cup” chipped in the Scouse Git.

“The world Cup? What the fuck has the the world cup got to do with the price of fish.  More to the point what the hell has it to do with life slipping by?” I asked with not too much trace of the managerial touchy feelyness I had intended to practice.

“In 1966 we were all lads” chipped in Bunny Warren

“Yeah so what?” I asked still not seeing where this was going

“Well, there was loads of World Cups ahead of us and England won” Bunny went on

“yeah so”

“The thing is boss, we know you don’t follow football, but for starters we will probably only see another 4 maybe 5 world cups at tops and as things stand we probably wont see England win another one in our life time”

“Thats it?” I was dumbfounded.  The world bloody cup, who would adam and eve it. They nodded gloomily ” You never know” I said trying to rally the troops “They might just pull it one out of the bag this time”

The looked at me every man jack of them.  they didn’t say a word but looked at me with hard stoney glares.  I shrugged “You never know lads, I mean fuck it if you dont have a go you cant win, they have as good a chance as everyone else”

Scouse Git looked at me and said ” I dont believe you sometimes boss, everyone here knows they are fucked, but you still think they have a chance.”

“Yeah of course I do it aint over till its over, and,  as for only having 4 or 5 world cups left in you,  well I have to be honest,  I have never heard anything so friggin lame in  all my life you wankers”

And then they  started to laugh.  I thought No Nuts was going to fall off his chair, his balance has not been so good since, since … well you know the ahhem accident.

The laughed like drains until the waiter asked if they were OK, decided they were and brought 8 more pints of Kingfisher.

Eventually they stopped laughing and I was able to ask what was so funny, because to be honest I had no idea what the joke was.

“You” said SG

“Me? what have I got to do with the world cup and being funny”

“Nothing it’s just that, well you always seem to think there is a chance you never seem to think you will loose …the eternal bloody optimist”  SG shook his head and looked at me ” You look at life like a kid sometimes, have you ever thought you would loose because if you have then we have never seen it”

I can only assume they have been blinded by an accumulation of all that world cup fever over the years .

You see the thing is that for quite a long time I really didn’t care if I won or lost, but what I didn’t realise was that my self destruct mode was seen as eternal optimism.  I have never been so ashamed and embarrassed in all my life.

BY the way I have a fiver on England.

and Spain

and Germany

and Portugal

Oh and Brazil, Italy and France.

Should just about cover the main players.

8 Responses to “World Cup Fever”

  1. Bendy Girl says:

    I’ll never understand why people get so worked up about football…rugby is far better, I can admire the fixing broken bits there and then attitude of rugby players, but grown men howling on the floor over a non injury, s’beyond me!
    I think self destruct/eternal optimism are probably 2 sides of the same coin.
    A very lovely, very Scouse “I got these pins in me leg jumping out of a perfectly good airplane” stopped to give me Para style encouragement on my death walk yesterday, it made all the difference. Sure it wasn’t SG but they’re a special breed
    Take care of yourself UN. BG Xx

  2. dl says:

    …and I thought I was the only male n the country to be completely baffled by the whole thing.

    I take it you’ve not got a pretty white flag with a red cross fluttering from your car?

    (Perhaps they’ve all got hankerings to be driving field ambulances?)

    All the best, as ever,

  3. That Bird says:

    Glad you’re back in fine fettle.

    Men and their balls, eh. World balls ‘n all.

    Oh, and it’s ‘lose’ for lost. ‘Loose’ is for clothes that don’t fit properly. Just a niggle of mine. Makes me lose my temper a tad! Loosely speaking.

  4. Gumpher says:

    First off, welcome back.

    Can’t get away from football at the moment.

    I’m with bendy Girl , I can’t watch a whole game of football, it just doesn’t absorb my attention, but if it’s rugby, I’d quite happily watch Botswana play Peru, drives my wife potty.

    I just can’t see a recently retired footballer attempting to climb Everest to raise money for Help for Heroes as Josh Lewsey has recently done.

  5. Uncle says:

    Hello BG – I am a rugby man through and through and the last time I went to a football match was when Ted McDougall played for York city, which was quite awhile ago.
    Just as a folloew on to your chat with the para with the pins in his legs I remember somebody asking why Paras did indeed jump out of perfectly good aircraft and the response was always “Have you seen the way Crab Air(The RAF) Land”

    DL – I just don’t get whole nations holding their breath for a game of football. Bloody daft. I will probably watch the odd game here or there but as for rescheduling my life because such and such is playing is just daft.

    That Girl – Thanks for your comments and corrections. I will ensure I buck up as there is no time Toulouse.

    Gumpher – Good to hear from you, trust you are in good health. To be fair I have had a fair bit of experience where footballers have done their bit for very worth while causes. No names, no pack drill, but some are renowned for being the “hard men” of the game. All credit to Josh Lewesy & Keith Reesby for their valiant attempt on Everest.

  6. Joanna Cake says:

    Like BG, I’ve been a rugby girl from birth. However, I have had to make an exception because of Ruf, so I have been to see the Villa on a couple of occasions and have a huge crush on Martin O’Neill.

    I’ve actually written a post today about the bad behaviour of the players – it just makes me sooooo cross. The current crop are a bunch of overpaid, arrogant, violent ne’erdowells who don’t deserve to win anything. However, I’m not sure that any of the competing teams are any better.

  7. Des says:

    Cheer up…at least you can now fly Ryanair for a fiver (£5) if you don’t mind standing.

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