World Cup Fever

04/06/2010 by Uncle.

I had braved the volcanic ash and Ryanair’s baggage policy and met up with some long standing friends of highly dubious reputation.

I have to say, that having not seen the motley bunch for some time I was a little taken aback at how hang dog they seemed.  There were the usual bad taste jokes too much beer and the evening ended with the inevitable ruby murray in the king Street Tandoori, but there was an air of melancholy about them.

Being the caring sort of geezer that I am and taking my mens welfare seriously I felt it was time to put all that managerial training to good use and to see if I could counsel them through this difficult time and to touch those sensitive issues, which would bond us and allow these troubled individuals to draw on their inner talents and strengths and thus overcome whatever bollocks was making them so friggin miserable.

“What the fuck is wrong with you lot?  Christ you think you had your nuts chopped off the way you are all sitting here with faces like a wet Sunday, sorry Dave no offence intended”

Dave “No nuts” nodded back “None taken boss”- its a long story that can be summed up by the words bullet & balls - but moving on I looked at them “What is the problem?”

“Well ” said Dave looking a bit sheepish” It’s just that we are all getting old Boss and its all sort of slipping away from us like”

“What do you mean, what’s slipping away?” I asked.

“Life” said Andy G

“And what the hell has brought all this on, have you lot been watching Oprah or day time TV again” I asked

” Its The world cup” chipped in the Scouse Git.

“The world Cup? What the fuck has the the world cup got to do with the price of fish.  More to the point what the hell has it to do with life slipping by?” I asked with not too much trace of the managerial touchy feelyness I had intended to practice.

“In 1966 we were all lads” chipped in Bunny Warren

“Yeah so what?” I asked still not seeing where this was going

“Well, there was loads of World Cups ahead of us and England won” Bunny went on

“yeah so”

“The thing is boss, we know you don’t follow football, but for starters we will probably only see another 4 maybe 5 world cups at tops and as things stand we probably wont see England win another one in our life time”

“Thats it?” I was dumbfounded.  The world bloody cup, who would adam and eve it. They nodded gloomily ” You never know” I said trying to rally the troops “They might just pull it one out of the bag this time”

The looked at me every man jack of them.  they didn’t say a word but looked at me with hard stoney glares.  I shrugged “You never know lads, I mean fuck it if you dont have a go you cant win, they have as good a chance as everyone else”

Scouse Git looked at me and said ” I dont believe you sometimes boss, everyone here knows they are fucked, but you still think they have a chance.”

“Yeah of course I do it aint over till its over, and,  as for only having 4 or 5 world cups left in you,  well I have to be honest,  I have never heard anything so friggin lame in  all my life you wankers”

And then they  started to laugh.  I thought No Nuts was going to fall off his chair, his balance has not been so good since, since … well you know the ahhem accident.

The laughed like drains until the waiter asked if they were OK, decided they were and brought 8 more pints of Kingfisher.

Eventually they stopped laughing and I was able to ask what was so funny, because to be honest I had no idea what the joke was.

“You” said SG

“Me? what have I got to do with the world cup and being funny”

“Nothing it’s just that, well you always seem to think there is a chance you never seem to think you will loose …the eternal bloody optimist”  SG shook his head and looked at me ” You look at life like a kid sometimes, have you ever thought you would loose because if you have then we have never seen it”

I can only assume they have been blinded by an accumulation of all that world cup fever over the years .

You see the thing is that for quite a long time I really didn’t care if I won or lost, but what I didn’t realise was that my self destruct mode was seen as eternal optimism.  I have never been so ashamed and embarrassed in all my life.

BY the way I have a fiver on England.

and Spain

and Germany

and Portugal

Oh and Brazil, Italy and France.

Should just about cover the main players.

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