Sunny Sky – continued

There is a young woman looking at me, early to mid twenties.  She is saying something but I don’t know what, partly because I cant  hear and partly because I just don’t understand or care.

I can hear “la Legion” but again I do not really hear what is being said.  I see his face, he knows its not good, I know its not good and the flecks of blood on him tells no lies.

I sort of faint or pass out then swirl back with a wosh.

I cant breath, it is like my chest is on fire and somebody has dumped a hot iron on it or in it.

She looks frightened but is concentrating.  I see her hands, no gloves but covered in blood.

They are doing something to me but all I know is that I cant breathe and am drowning on my own blood. and it  hurts like fuck.

The sky is still sunny and blue, but the birds have gone.

Darkness, total black,  but irons of pain pierce the darkness with a searing white light.

Electric lights I am looking at a white ceiling and am being wheeled along a corridor and there is a lot of commotion.

Blank.

WHITE LIGHT faces with surgical masks.  Voices, very business like, but I have heard the sense of urgency when dealing with others.

I have made it this far then I am with a good shot. Haha very funny!

Blackness engulfs me totally and everything is suspended.

Nothing.

I hear music. I thinks its music.  It sort of fades in and out either turn it up or turn it off.

The music is back again, but a bit louder, but still not loud enough to hear what it is.

Its really odd because everything is like a dream and dark yet I know I am sleeping and waking up, but just not as we normally do, or at least I think thats right.

I can hear the music now, thye must have turned it up at last.

Actually its bloody country music or at least thats what it sounds like.

I am not a fan of country music and I want to open my eyes and tell them to knock of the friggin Nashville, but I just cant wake up and it is just too much effort and I drfit off again on my little airbed.

I can see sort of dappled light and hear people talking, but I can hear what they are saying because it like being at the swimming pool, all the sounds merge.

Darkness creeps in and I slip away into nothing again.

I am tired I want to roll over and go to sleep, but I cant move.  I hear more voices and vaguely see the faces of people I know and love.  I feel all warm and cosy and then it seems as if I am getting colder very slowly.  Gradually slipping from warm and comfortably numb to very cold, tired and weary.WHITE LIGHT commotion, voices, cant hear properly,  blurred images then…

Black.

Music again, more bloody country. Great just what I need friggin John Denver “Country Roads take me home to the Place where I belong, West Virgina fahlalalahhhhh take me home…..” actually I quite like this song and start to sing along…sort of.

WHITE LIGHT voices FLASH OF LIGHTENING. Red, blues, green, streaks of purple I hear voices but they make no sense.

What the fuck is going on, why cant I open my eyes?

I think I am awake It is dark but I see a light on the wall.  I must be drugged, is that Scooby Doo I can see on that wall?  It was I am sure, Now there is a galleon sailing down a street in New York.

PAIN-WOW- FUCK ME THAT HURTS -then a warm feeling sweeping through me.  I am feeling warmer and more comfortable and Scooby and the gang are slipping away the images fade and I fall into the blackness again.

More music much clearer this time”Having a good time, ….something or other……shot of tequila beer on draught….something or other Having a good time”  He might be having a good time, but I dont feel so good, my back hurts my head hurts, even my dear old chap hurts.

I have no idea of time, in fact there is no time, there is just being.

Suspended animation it is a blank.

I am back at the swimming pool again.  Coming up from the bottom I can see light and images, but they are all broken up and refracted, but there are colours.  The funny thing is that I am aware that I am breathing.

How can I breathe under water I’ll drown?

I feel myself start to panic a bit and then tell myself to get a grip.  I am not in water,  it just feels like water, stay calm Norm, don’t make a problem until it is one.

I am aware that I am thinking full thoughts, not fragments or dreams

I calm down and I am aware of the steady rhythm of my breathing. The gentle movement of my chest.

The music continues, most of the tunes I dont know.  Every now and then there is something that I know, but not much and it is better than nothing.  Just.

No pain, I am not drowning on blood any more, but I have that distinctive matalic taste of blood in my mouth.

Christ I have one hell of a headache.  Feels like someone locked my head in a vice.

My eyes  hurt and I can see sunlight.

There is always music and I know now that I must have heard this stuff over and over.

I hear  a guitar the music is clearer

Desperado” Its a voice I know but cant place.

“Why don’t you come to your senses
You’ve been out ridin’ fences,
for so long – now.”

Its bloody Johnny Cash, just what I need, if I dislike John Denver I cant tell you how I feel about the man in Black.

But there is something about the the voice the way and speed with which he sing (if thats the right word) and the words.  I can’t quite tell you why or what,but something in me or my head clicks.

“Ohh you’re a hard one
I know that you’ve got your reasons.
These things that are pleasin’you
Can hurt you somehow.”

I want to cry. I cannot stop it and I feel tears running down my cheeks.

Hot tears that run down my cheeks towards my pillow and into my ears. It tickles and I realise I can feel, this is real it is not a dream from the blackness.

A hand wipes my face. I felt that, a hand these are real sensations.

It seems as if Johnny is speaking to me and making every word count.

“Desperado,
Ohhhh you aint getting no younger.
Your pain and your hunger,
They’re driving you home.
And freedom, ohh freedom.
Well that’s just some people talking.
Your prison is walking through this world all alone.”

“Mister Norman, can you hear me Mister Norman” Its a woman’s voice heavy accent, but  it seems to go in and out of focus, but Mr Cash stays clear as a bell.

“Desperado,
Why don’t you come to your senses?
come down from your fences, open the gate.
It may be rainin’, but there’s a rainbow above you.
You better let somebody love you.
(let somebody love you)
You better let somebody love you…ohhh..hooo
before it’s too..oooo.. late.”

I open my eyes, well I must have done because I can see.

Everything suddenly becomes crystal clear and there is a beautiful  olive skinned girl with lovely  brown eyes and jet black hair looking at me.  I focus and realise she is a nurse.  She is smiling and there is another man in a white coat – they are coming to take me away hehehaha.

Then I see two more faces its L and the MIL.  They smile at me, but to be honest they dont look so hot, sort of tired and upset.

L comes to the bed and kisses me on the lips “Hello Norm”

I smile or gave a grimace that was supposed to be a smile.  The MILl kisses me on the forehead and taps my cheek gently and says something witty about there being easier ways of avoiding birthdays.

The Desperado has come down from the fences and opened the gate.
It may have been rainin’, but there’s a rainbow above me.
I better let somebody love me.
before it’s too late.

If you would like to hear the version of Desperado by Johnny Cash please click here.

4 Responses to “Sunny Sky – continued”

  1. dl says:

    Christ, Norm, who have you been upsetting?

    I’d noticed you’d been silent for a bit, but didn’t think too much of it.

    Hope the recovery’s going well.

    Best wishes,
    D.

  2. Bendy Girl says:

    I hope you’re well on the road to recovery now Norm? Sounds like a very scary time! It’s no consolation, but you’ve really captured that feeling of swimming in and out of consciousness brilliantly. Your writing reminded me of the novel “Johnny Got His Gun”
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johnny_Got_His_Gun

    Feel better soon mate,
    BG Xx

  3. Joanna Cake says:

    OMG! Like dl, I knew you’d not be around for a while but I just thought you’d been on a job. Great writing but very uncomfortable reading for those of us who care about you and it must have been hideous for L. Get Well Soon and, if it makes you feel any better, Im not a great fan of country music either. Distant Drums can turn me into a homicidal maniac.

  4. Ann Anon says:

    Get well soon, Unc. You write so well, especially about the deep stuff. I’m just another lurker who is glad you are back.

    Take Care,

    Ann Anon

    X

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