Archive for October, 2009

Sunny Sky – continued

Thursday, October 22nd, 2009

There is a young woman looking at me, early to mid twenties.  She is saying something but I don’t know what, partly because I cant  hear and partly because I just don’t understand or care.

I can hear “la Legion” but again I do not really hear what is being said.  I see his face, he knows its not good, I know its not good and the flecks of blood on him tells no lies.

I sort of faint or pass out then swirl back with a wosh.

I cant breath, it is like my chest is on fire and somebody has dumped a hot iron on it or in it.

She looks frightened but is concentrating.  I see her hands, no gloves but covered in blood.

They are doing something to me but all I know is that I cant breathe and am drowning on my own blood. and it  hurts like fuck.

The sky is still sunny and blue, but the birds have gone.

Darkness, total black,  but irons of pain pierce the darkness with a searing white light.

Electric lights I am looking at a white ceiling and am being wheeled along a corridor and there is a lot of commotion.

Blank.

WHITE LIGHT faces with surgical masks.  Voices, very business like, but I have heard the sense of urgency when dealing with others.

I have made it this far then I am with a good shot. Haha very funny!

Blackness engulfs me totally and everything is suspended.

Nothing.

I hear music. I thinks its music.  It sort of fades in and out either turn it up or turn it off.

The music is back again, but a bit louder, but still not loud enough to hear what it is.

Its really odd because everything is like a dream and dark yet I know I am sleeping and waking up, but just not as we normally do, or at least I think thats right.

I can hear the music now, thye must have turned it up at last.

Actually its bloody country music or at least thats what it sounds like.

I am not a fan of country music and I want to open my eyes and tell them to knock of the friggin Nashville, but I just cant wake up and it is just too much effort and I drfit off again on my little airbed.

I can see sort of dappled light and hear people talking, but I can hear what they are saying because it like being at the swimming pool, all the sounds merge.

Darkness creeps in and I slip away into nothing again.

I am tired I want to roll over and go to sleep, but I cant move.  I hear more voices and vaguely see the faces of people I know and love.  I feel all warm and cosy and then it seems as if I am getting colder very slowly.  Gradually slipping from warm and comfortably numb to very cold, tired and weary.WHITE LIGHT commotion, voices, cant hear properly,  blurred images then…

Black.

Music again, more bloody country. Great just what I need friggin John Denver “Country Roads take me home to the Place where I belong, West Virgina fahlalalahhhhh take me home…..” actually I quite like this song and start to sing along…sort of.

WHITE LIGHT voices FLASH OF LIGHTENING. Red, blues, green, streaks of purple I hear voices but they make no sense.

What the fuck is going on, why cant I open my eyes?

I think I am awake It is dark but I see a light on the wall.  I must be drugged, is that Scooby Doo I can see on that wall?  It was I am sure, Now there is a galleon sailing down a street in New York.

PAIN-WOW- FUCK ME THAT HURTS -then a warm feeling sweeping through me.  I am feeling warmer and more comfortable and Scooby and the gang are slipping away the images fade and I fall into the blackness again.

More music much clearer this time”Having a good time, ….something or other……shot of tequila beer on draught….something or other Having a good time”  He might be having a good time, but I dont feel so good, my back hurts my head hurts, even my dear old chap hurts.

I have no idea of time, in fact there is no time, there is just being.

Suspended animation it is a blank.

I am back at the swimming pool again.  Coming up from the bottom I can see light and images, but they are all broken up and refracted, but there are colours.  The funny thing is that I am aware that I am breathing.

How can I breathe under water I’ll drown?

I feel myself start to panic a bit and then tell myself to get a grip.  I am not in water,  it just feels like water, stay calm Norm, don’t make a problem until it is one.

I am aware that I am thinking full thoughts, not fragments or dreams

I calm down and I am aware of the steady rhythm of my breathing. The gentle movement of my chest.

The music continues, most of the tunes I dont know.  Every now and then there is something that I know, but not much and it is better than nothing.  Just.

No pain, I am not drowning on blood any more, but I have that distinctive matalic taste of blood in my mouth.

Christ I have one hell of a headache.  Feels like someone locked my head in a vice.

My eyes  hurt and I can see sunlight.

There is always music and I know now that I must have heard this stuff over and over.

I hear  a guitar the music is clearer

Desperado” Its a voice I know but cant place.

“Why don’t you come to your senses
You’ve been out ridin’ fences,
for so long – now.”

Its bloody Johnny Cash, just what I need, if I dislike John Denver I cant tell you how I feel about the man in Black.

But there is something about the the voice the way and speed with which he sing (if thats the right word) and the words.  I can’t quite tell you why or what,but something in me or my head clicks.

“Ohh you’re a hard one
I know that you’ve got your reasons.
These things that are pleasin’you
Can hurt you somehow.”

I want to cry. I cannot stop it and I feel tears running down my cheeks.

Hot tears that run down my cheeks towards my pillow and into my ears. It tickles and I realise I can feel, this is real it is not a dream from the blackness.

A hand wipes my face. I felt that, a hand these are real sensations.

It seems as if Johnny is speaking to me and making every word count.

“Desperado,
Ohhhh you aint getting no younger.
Your pain and your hunger,
They’re driving you home.
And freedom, ohh freedom.
Well that’s just some people talking.
Your prison is walking through this world all alone.”

“Mister Norman, can you hear me Mister Norman” Its a woman’s voice heavy accent, but  it seems to go in and out of focus, but Mr Cash stays clear as a bell.

“Desperado,
Why don’t you come to your senses?
come down from your fences, open the gate.
It may be rainin’, but there’s a rainbow above you.
You better let somebody love you.
(let somebody love you)
You better let somebody love you…ohhh..hooo
before it’s too..oooo.. late.”

I open my eyes, well I must have done because I can see.

Everything suddenly becomes crystal clear and there is a beautiful  olive skinned girl with lovely  brown eyes and jet black hair looking at me.  I focus and realise she is a nurse.  She is smiling and there is another man in a white coat – they are coming to take me away hehehaha.

Then I see two more faces its L and the MIL.  They smile at me, but to be honest they dont look so hot, sort of tired and upset.

L comes to the bed and kisses me on the lips “Hello Norm”

I smile or gave a grimace that was supposed to be a smile.  The MILl kisses me on the forehead and taps my cheek gently and says something witty about there being easier ways of avoiding birthdays.

The Desperado has come down from the fences and opened the gate.
It may have been rainin’, but there’s a rainbow above me.
I better let somebody love me.
before it’s too late.

If you would like to hear the version of Desperado by Johnny Cash please click here.

Sunny Sky

Thursday, October 15th, 2009

I am suddenly  looking up the sky, It is very blue not a cloud in the blazing sunshine.

Bloody hell there are lots of birds up there.

Spinning round I see, I see what, a girl.

My right hand is moving out in front of me

Everything is quiet and still, in fact it is more than that, it is silent.

More birds in the sky I wonder why they came from.

There is a flash of intense white light like a photo flash.

The flowers in the window box are really red, probably geraniums, I cant tell from here.

The old man sitting outside the café has a really brown leathery lined face, we make eye contact.

Dust, there is a lot of dust, I can see the dust around me and the old man is looking at me and is getting up from his chair.

His shoes could do with a bit of a clean.

The ground is hard and parched and there are bright red geranium petals in the dust.

Why would there be geranium petals here, fucked if I know.

 I can feel the sun on my face but it is not hot.

 I see more red petals.

 I can hear hissing.

 I see a mans face maybe thirty years old, his hair is cropped like mine his face is brown and thin but strong and his eyes are brown and serious.

What are all those people doing, what are they looking at? I can see feet and legs

God I feel tired maybe I could just shut my eyes now and drift off.

The man with the face is pulling at me and I know he is speaking but I can quite get what he is saying. He has strong hands

“La Legion”

 He is gone now

I can see my girls faces and Joseph all smiling and happy, I can feel warmth, no actually its not warmth, it’s a mix of extreme heat or is it cold very cold.

Somebody is saying something, is that someone calling me?

Yes they are calling me, I suppose I better say something, don’t want to be rude, but my throat is blocked and my nose clogged, must be getting a cold.

I clear my throat there are no geranium petals, just a froth of bright sticky frothy red.

La legion is holding me and I can feel his hands.

I open my eye and see another group of people just don the road gathered round something on the floor.

La legion is talking

I feel…… I feel what?

I don’t know what,

I feel like I am floating away out to sea on an airbed or something.

It’s very quiet.

Very calm.

 

I See nothing

Black

There is a voice, somebody calling me.