Italian Job 9 / Dawn 3- Welcome Home

When I got through the customs and to the meet and greet area at Gatwick I was not prepared for what was to come. Regular readers will know that I have not had the best relationship with Dawn my Sister in Law. The feeling has been mutual. I didn’t like anything about her, especially her looks, as she was far to skinny for my cup of tea.

I was looking for Dawn when suddenly this babe threw her arms around my neck and kissed me on the lips. This might happen in films to the likes of Hugh Grant but it doesn’t happen in real life to Normans.

“I’ve missed you so much” she gushed kissing me again.

“Hughwughheerwugher” I said.

She hugged me and I tried not to dribble everywhere, because I knew that I must have looked like a basket case with , mouth open and not saying anything intelligible. It did not help that I was tired after being attacked, arrested and having my travelling companion op his clogs in my car. All in all, a long and somewhat arduous day. This warm and loving welcome from someone who I have shared a mutual loathing was just the icing on the cake.

I caught the words “room” and “Hilton” and although I understood them did not fully appreciate their context. The next thing we were in a double room in the Hilton and Dawn was passing me a scotch from the mini-bar. I never ever drink from the mini-bar in hotels (except in Eastern Europe where it is very cheap) as a matter of principal. I don’t have many but this is one of them.

Dawn was wearing what you would describe as a little black number and I could not get over how bloody good she looked – body wise that is. Her eyes and body language however were something else. The other thing is she was gushing conversation. Fuck me she was rabbiting away ten to the dozen.

She was on the brink.

I suggested we went to the restaurant and she agreed.

The food was good but the meal was surreal. She acted as if we were an item. Not just an item but a HOT item. She kept holding my hand and rubbing my leg near my Norman McMan stick and all that sort of malarkey. Now don’t get me wrong here, I am not adverse to woman rubbing my leg or my McMan stick, but this was Dawn who hated me. Having fed and watered I was ready to head upstairs to do the business, by which I mean find out what the fuck was going on.

We got into the room and she went into the bathroom and had a wee. I got rid of my jacket and shoes and lay on the bed. When she came in she was in a very fetching set of underwear. She came straight over and lay down on the bed and snuggled up to me. The panic bells were going and what I real wanted to do was to leap up and shout “WHAT’S GOING ON”. I didn’t of course.

I put my arm round her and said “This has been a great evening and you look fabulous, but to what do I owe this sudden change of fortune”.

“I love you.” she said in a very resigned way ” I have always loved, you but you were not available and when you were you never noticed me and when you did you didn’t like me”

“Only because I didn’t think you liked me at all” I said

“Idiot, it was self preservation thing all that..that back biting and sniping at you, why do you think I always sit opposite you at family dinners, it’s so I can look at you and imagine what it is like to be with you all the time”

“Actually I don’t think being with me all the time is probably that great” I said In all honesty.

“Maybe not, but I just wanted to be able to have you. Its because I couldn’t have you and because Simon isn’t interested in me really that I…..”

I pulled her close to me, not because I wanted to fuel her hope that I was available or right for her, but just to give her some comfort. Actually there is the small matter that she felt very nice as well if I am in entirely honest.

“What’s happened Dawn?”

I thought she was going to cry but she didn’t, she let out a big sigh and said “I love you and could have you. Simon doesn’t love me, he loves work and money and his PA. I was lonely and got more desperate and oh fuck Norman I have been a prize idiot. Do you think you could help your old arch enemy to get out of the shit?”

“You helped me today for which I have not said thank you yet”

I went to kiss her gently on the forehead but some how I missed and her lips got in the way. It was a brief gentle kiss but one charged with warmth and a love I had not noticed for so many year. I will never forget it.

“Of course I will help you but what’s the problem”

The tears I expected earlier now came flooding out

“I have had an affair for almost two years” she sobbed

“It happens” I said “I am sure we can sort that out”

“With a woman” she sobbed

“So what difference does that make?”

“On the internet, we were lovers and now she is going to blackmail me”

“Ah I see”

“Oh Norman I have ruined everything” she sighed again

“Nah probably not” I said in all honesty “You know, when you are up to you neck in alligators its hard to remember that the original objective was to drain the swamp”

She laughed and kissed my cheek “That’s why I love you” I was suddenly aware of her hand touching my Norman McMan stick. “I would like you to thank me properly for helping you”

“So I see”

Cue pictures of crashing waves and a magnificent sunset.

5 Responses to “Italian Job 9 / Dawn 3- Welcome Home”

  1. dl says:

    Never a dull moment!

  2. John Humphries says:

    I think your fucking with us. I cannot see you boshing this woman for moment. Fortunately for me.

  3. lancealot says:

    but what about L??!!

  4. Uncle says:

    DL – Not dull I grant you.

    JH – One step ahead of me there.

    Lancealot – I wouldn’t cheat on L. Read on.

  5. Hi Norm,
    I prited out your recent posts for a catch up on the train on the way home. As DL says, never a dull moment in your life!

    But have you changed the names of ‘Dawn’ and your BIL? Does Dawn mind that you are writing about her and potentially exposing her ‘affair?’

    And what about L? What if she reads your blog?!

    So many questions..!


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