Going to The In Laws 3 – Search & Destroy

“He’s dead” the first voice whispered

“How can he be dead?” snapped another irritably “He was fine last night”

“I am telling you he’s dead, have you ever seen anything so awful?”

“He looks pretty bad” agree a third.

“Let me have a look” said a female voice. “Nah he’s not dead, I’ll show you”

Female fingers force open the right eyelid and a shaft of light from a little pencil torch pierced the brain.

“WHAT THE HELL” I sat bolt up right at the rude interruption to my slumbers.
“Good morning Uncle Norman it is almost 6.15 can you take us on an adventure please?” Asked Rupert. I looked at the five little faces and saw that each of the nieces and nephews were dressed in the finest camouflage gear available from M&S or Tesco, and all had some kind of military webbing belts and were carrying plastic automatic rifles. Two even had side arms.

“An adventure?” I blurbed
“In the woods” Said Rupert
“To look for terrorists” said Kirsty
“We can cook sausages” Said Jack
“we have the stuff”Confirmed Rupert
“Its not raining”
“We have the ponchos you gave us for Christmas it it does rain” lisped little Mary
“Can we build a basha or a hide”

“Please Uncle Norman it will be really good fun we will be good and follow orders”

“Please, please please!” They asked in unison
I held a hand up in defeat. If nothing else I know when I am beaten.

“Uncle Norman” Lisped little Mary ” What are all those marks on you back and chest”

“Give me two minutes to find my brain”

“You left it in a glass in the bathroom” L said sleepily.

A few minutes later I staggered outside dressed in some old green combat trousers and a green wooly pully. The troops were ready to R&R and had even camed up.

We headed for the small woods which are not far from the house. There is a sort of dip in the land and there is a series of linked lakes known locally as the wells. The kids had obviously been practising their field craft and infantry skills because they were pretty good. The made me run off and hide and they would come and hunt me. My role was E&E (escape and evasion) theirs S&D (search and destroy) we called it Lion hunt. I keep this to a minimum because it easy for people to get carried away. Any way they found me searched me and took me into custody. They didn’t give me the almost obligatory kicking that goes with being captured which I was not sorry about. Japs and commandos we called it when I was kid.
We then built some bashas which are shelters constructed from a poncho spread between the trees about 3ft from the ground and cooked sausages. Walls finest no less, although I am a Richmond pork sausages man personally. But God those sausages tasted good. The sun dappled through the leaves of the trees and the kids chompped away with the table manners of a hyena. I suppose I should have corrected them but they were happy and what the fuck, isn’t it about being happy when you are a kid and seeing kids being happy that is important.
When things really get you down its moments like this that you have to hang on to. Sometime the memory of these moments keep you alive.

It is also worth remembering that millions of children don’t get to be this happy. EVER.

We are lucky fuckers and maybe we should spend more effort being thankful for that, than moaning about sweet FA and what we don’t have.
Here endeth the Gospel according to Norm you may go in peace.

4 Responses to “Going to The In Laws 3 – Search & Destroy”

  1. dl says:

    I agree. In spite of the crap that gets us all down, day in day out, we are really pretty fortunate. Those kids especially, because you can clearly offer them a taste of something which most kids would never come close to. Well done!

  2. Sally says:

    Oh yes, and I meant to say DL, (in the comments box of the previous UN post)are you sure that your life is completely humdrum on a day to day basis? Sorry Norm for usurping your comments box….

    Good for you though Norm. I think my kids would like you, especially the younger ones and the boy.

  3. That is really cute! Well said Uncle Norm!!

  4. Absolutely gorgeous.
    Brought back a flood of reconnaissance mission memories from my childhood.


Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.