Yobs 3 – Ezekiel 25:17.

“The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee”

As quoted by “Jules” The character played by Samuel L Jackson in Pulp Fiction just before he deals with some mother fucker.
10.20pm the mobile rings

“Hello This is MrsA, they are back”

“Thank you MrsA, don’t worry. Stay calm and keep away from the windows. We will be with you in about 30 seconds. As soon as we finish this call please ring 999 and ask for the police. Tell them there is a disturbance and tell them you think it is drug related and possible connected with something that happened last night”

“OK, Thank you”

This time our approach was very different to Friday. We tried being nice and subtle, clearly they did not understand or did not want to play ball. Tonight we were going to hurt them. Not injure them or beat them gratuitously, but hurt them. Believe me there is a difference. Think about it, if you have tooth ached or ear ache it gives the most excruciating pain but you are not injured or hurt as such. People remember pain and sadly on occassions it is the only way you can get through to some folks.

With no lights on and almost no sound the black Range Rovers rolled into the road where are our little friends were fucking about

We were there and on them before they knew it.

The deployment was Short, sharp and swift.

8 highly trained, very fit men dressed in dark boiler suits.

2 large German Shepherd dogs looking for action.

Some of the yobs tried to run and found themselves being brought to the ground by the dogs.
Some of the yobs tried to fight and they found themselves being restrained very painfully.
Some of the yobs pleaded innocence. They were restrained and searched. OK maybe they were given a bit of a tweek, but nothing serious I promise.
The ones who had encountered the dogs or had tried fighting, made mention of the fact that they were experiencing serious discomfort as the dogs bit and holds were applied.

And we said unto them “Shut the fuck up”

Some were so frightened they pissed themselves.

Other were just too dim to know what the fuck happened, apart from the fact that it hurt, and they didn’t like it.

“Did we not tell you all to fuck off and stay away from this area”

“We thought it just applied to the others”

“It applies to all of you”

Some more little bags of crushed soluble pain killers, dog conditioning tablets and foil wraps of dried herbs were distributed amongst the youths. Of course it is no offence to possess Bob Martins but these youths will be so busy protesting their innocence that it will make the boys in blue and the youths families even more suspicious. They wont get charged, but it will be enough for them to be arrested on suspicion and will give the police the ammo they need to get involved. They will want to keep the lid on any new drugs related turf war so they will be in the area more.
From the yobs point of view life is going to be uncomfortable. Even if they dont get charged, their houses will be searched for drugs. How would fancy trying to explaining that to your mum and dad. Lets see, the story would go like this “I was wi ma mates right. yeah and then these two black range rovers pull up like an these geezers we never seen before get out an plant these drugs on us like and then drove off. Yeah an the next thing the old bill is there and we is gettin arrested like.”

Of course the dog bites might add some credibility to the story – unless of course there was an attempted break in near by, at say premises with guard dogs. Nothing stolen of course just an attempt. In the dark everyone looks the same on cctv!
As the police sirens could be heard, these little bastards knew that they had fucked somebody off big time, and we knew where each of them lived.

On Sunday night all was quiet. Maybe the message has finally got home to the dick heads. If it hasn’t maybe we will take to hanging out outside some of their houses. Bring on the AC/DC at midnight.

7 Responses to “Yobs 3 – Ezekiel 25:17.”

  1. F*cking brilliant Uncle Norman!!!
    I just love this!
    What a brilliant plan, innit!!

    I just love that you played out Samuel L Jackson’s spiel at the beginning of the shakedown.
    Ooh yes. I had that as my ringtone for the longest time and would make excuses to recite it. I still do, even in the course of an ordinary conversation…

    Uncle Norman, you ARE The Man.
    You have busted a biblical cap up their collective ass and I’m loving it!!!


  2. John Humphries says:

    I have to agree with the domestic minx that Samuel L Jackson speech is just tops. Talking of Pulp fiction is “Wolfy” Smith the contract cleaner still around and if so is he still working?

  3. Fan bloody tastic! What a great plan!

    What the hell is the point in yobs? Really, why do they exist? I say ERADIATE YOBS / THUGS / CHAVS / NEDS forever. Foreverrrrrrr. FOREVER.

  4. Brigitte says:

    Do you think it will work in the long term? I am not so sure.

    We had a problem like this and it took ages before any one would do anything.

    I think the law is letting good people down. Why should Mr & Mrs A pay you to get this problem sorted out.

  5. dl says:

    That’s a substantial undertaking, having your team and cars standing by just around the corner. Hope you’re able to deter the little buggers once and for all, before all this runs on for too long.

  6. Sally says:

    Wow! I wouldn’t like to get on the wrong side of you! Scary stuff.

    They’d be pretty stupid to return really. I guess it depends just how half witted they are as to whether or not they come back for another round!

  7. Uncle says:

    Minx – Thank you for the praise, but there is a team of blokes who know how to work together. I try not to resort to straight violence. Sometimes you dont have a choice but a lot of the time one does.

    Princesse – Its like doing a conjuring trick. Illusions and smoke screens. Legal – just and hopefully it will work.

    Brigitte – I think it will work but we may need to be there next weekend. You are right the courts do let people down. Mr & Mrs A should not have to pay me and I feel bad taking money from people in these cases. To be honest I would love to relieve the yobs of their money, but unfortunately that is regarded by the law as robbery.

    DL- Following on from my comment to Brigitte. In commercial terms we might break even. We had the Range Rovers for two nights and we suspected some of the bone heads would be back, hence why we were parked up so close ready to Rock n Roll.

    Sally – We are quite nice really. Mind you I would say that! I think they have got the hint. If it was just down to the idiots I think it would take awhile for the message to sink in. However the lad arrested on Friday night was in court today & apparently was remanded in custody. That will send signals out. The police are going to be around as they think there is the rumbles of a turf war. so lets hope for Mr & Mrs A they get some peace.

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